Public Access

If you don't know much about Rye's cable TV stations, then I'm just the guy to explain the set-up to you. I've been all through the rules and I understand most of them. Except why they've decided to start airing episodes of "Homeboys in Outer Space." But that's for far bigger minds than mine.

So, here is everything you need to know about our public access shows. And why, even though they're pretty bland, we still usually beat UPN 9 in the ratings.

Rye TV offers a blend of cable programming, produced by the school district and the municipality. The stuff they program is pretty slow, but they're very smart in marketing it. For example, they'll string three city council meetings together and call it a "Mini-Series." And you'll be waiting forever for a jailbreak or an explosion and you won't see one.

Meanwhile, two hours have gone by.

The two main cable providers for both Rye and Rye Brook are Cablevision and Verizon. But please remember, if you have any questions about programming, you're to call them, not city or town officials. Calling a local politician to say you missed today's broadcast and ask if they can tell you what happened will really backfire. Because they will.

And six hours later, when you say you have to get off the phone to make dinner, they'll ask you what you're having. Then they'll show up and continue what they were saying. And they never bring wine or anything.

Also available on Rye's website is the monthly schedule of TV events. Many people feel the most exciting list is the one for the Public Channel. However, these folks still think that "Hazel" is the most thrilling thing to ever happen to television. So you need to factor that in.

Some of the highlights of this channel? At 9:30 a.m. is the Assembly Update. Followed by Journey to the East and the UN Update. This repeats approximately three more times until you get to Rye TV News at 6:30p.m., which is followed by an encore presentation of Assembly Update and Journey to the East. 

Don't scoff. Add an R-rated movie and this is exactly like the Tuesday lineup for Showtime. And ours is free.

Cablevision has moved its PEG channels to the digital tier. That's why you heard those bloodcurdling screams  of "No!" last night.

If indeed you want those PEG stations (and if you know what they are, you're way ahead of the pack), you'll need a "converter" box. It only works on your set, by the way, despite the rumors. Your religion will not change mysteriously, no matter how many times you turn this on.

 Now, for all you young aspiring filmmakers out there, you'll want to take a look at the Public Channel's Policies and Procedures. This tells you everything you need to know about content, storytelling, editing and more. Once you learn this stuff, Rye just has one request. Can you please teach it to the guy who makes those Adam Sandler movies? His films have none of that.

Or just wait a few more months. It won't be much more than that before he's back in Rye. No, not to visit. To run the Public Access station. Justice is never swift. But sometimes, it's sweet.