The temperature, lately, is hot enough to make a Science Fiction buff think the earth has left its orbit and moved too close to the sun. Luckily, I'm not that geeky and I worry more about other things, like the parking situation at Rye Beach. Well, when I'm not busy reading my English-to-Klingon dictionary.
The Rye Beach has its own worries, apparently. And has published all the rules you need to know about parking there. And I'll tell you about them, right after I check my dictionary and find out what you call a "Transporter Ionizer Unit" in Klingon.
Ah, yes, a "Jolvoy."
How could I have been so stupid?
The Park is "In Season," starting on the Friday before Memorial Day and goes right through until Labor Day. That's one important thing you need to know about parking. Also, according to what I saw last week, you need to know how to park normally. No more using your car to imitate a surface-to-air missile. That's got to stop.
Residents of Rye City, Port Chester and Rye Brook, can get discounts on Daily and Seasonal parking rates. But they're both so high, you first have to figure out which is which.
Now, when I asked, I got a very specious reply as to why I wanted to know. Apparently, now, when our officials don't know what to tell you, they also just say, 'We've hit our debt ceiling.'
Hey, guys, that's not supposed to be a catch-all, you know!
There are several varieties for Beach Parking Permits: Family, Single and Senior. Yes, there was that awful day when the guy with Multiple Personality Disorder came and asked for all of these. But Rye cut him some slack and gave him the Single permit. And judging from the way he looked and acted, he's probably going to stay that way for a while.
For Rye Residents, there is a fourth category, too: known as Platinum. For a while, this meant you could park free after you'd come to Rye Beach one million times. But, as several people approached this number, the City added another condition: your band must also have had at least one hit single.
There are also Parking Only permits that can be purchased, which allow for Unlimited Parking. Since Rye is pretty strapped for cash, you now have to pay separately, for a Swimming Only pass. Once you have, the rules are pretty simple. Just come out of the water when you start to prune.
If you are a Permit Holder, you get to see the fireworks for free. And if your Permit Holder check bounces? They pull a cannon up to your house and you get to be the fireworks.
Hey, wait. There goes Bill. Boy, look at him fly!
Daily Rates for parking and beach access are higher on weekends. And considering all that change I got back last week? So are the employees. Look for that guy with the headband on, who calls everyone 'dude.' He'll treat you right!
Daytime Parking Rates are from 9:00 AM to 5:00 PM. Evening rates run from 5:00 PM until 9:00 AM or when the park closes, whichever comes first. Anything after dark is up for grabs. And is all explained in the Book of Genesis.
The Permit Office is open from 9:00 Am to 3:00 PM. But there's also a place you have to go first, to get a permit, so you can be admitted to the Permit Office. See, this is just the sort of bureaucracy the Republicans have been warning us about.
Should you have any further questions about parking, you need to call the Off-Season Office. But no one knows exactly when? On-season or off? I think if you first read some Zen, it'll become clear. If not? I don't know what you can do.