It's been two weeks . Who knew it would be so controversial? The angry calls, the threats, the broken windows. That is absolutely the last time I let my mom read the column.
Undaunted, I'm back. Here is Part II about the city's charter. It's all about the Office of the City Clerk and the Department of Public Works—writing so exciting that a company recently approached me and asked if I wanted to write some ads for them. By the way, what exactly is Lunesta?
Now, in the charter Article Six deals with the City Council and discusses things such as their "Investigations" and "Independent Audit." Apparently, this actually pertains to the council, itself. That's what happens when everyone shows up at a meeting and they're all wearing new mink hats. Someone's going to get suspicious.
The article following immediately after is entitled, "Absences of Councilman." This refers to the one guy smart enough to read this and be absent, and who, therefore, wasn't asked about his new hat.
There's also something in this article known as "Composition." In the City of Rye, "composition" means the make-up of the council. In Rye Brook, it means something around 400 words in length. And the title doesn't count! Which is why no one wants to write one. And they have trouble keeping people on staff.
As part of the charter, there are a number of differences between Mayor and the Deputy Mayor. All you need to know? The former can carry a six gun and the latter gets to call you 'pardner.'
Both Rye and Rye Brook also have in their charters details about the Department of Public Works. The head of which gets to make suggestions about roads, bridges, piers and highways. The guy who stands out in the road yelling about these improvements while waving his arms? That's the head of the Department of Public Spectacles. However, that's just an interim job until the city can figure out what to do with him.
Another curious part of the charter involves the Planning Commission. But everything with them takes forever. I mean, they haven't even met yet—but they're planning to.
There shall also be a Recreation Commission appointed by the Mayor that shall consist of nine members. Or, as many people as it takes to play "Spinning Wheel" by Blood, Sweat and Tears.
This commission also has the power to approve the budget each year. I believe this means the recreation budget. But who knows? And why is the Mayor's office so full of volleyballs? That's another question I'm looking into.
Finally, the City Manager of this commission "shall, within budgetary limitations, employ all other persons as he deems necessary." If these are relatives, it's best to give them nicknames. Calling people "Shorty," "Jimbo" or "Slick" will work for a while and won't arouse suspicion. After that, if there are charges of nepotism? Well, you're on your own.
Peter Gerstenzang is a freelance videographer and entertainment and humor writer based in Rye Brook. His humor column, Cracking the Code, a comic spin on the City of Rye and Village of Rye Brook's codes, will appear every other week on Rye Patch. Check out Peter's other Rye Patch columns, , about life with his golden retriever, and , a column about living in the Rye area.