Sometimes changes can be challenging.
For me, I have recently transitioned from being a full-time mom/part time healing practitioner, work-shop facilitator and holistic health writer, to FINALLY registering my practice VitalEssence Healing LLC with NYS in January 2012, now owning and operating my own full-time practice!
Since January, my client base has increased and I have been seeing more clients at my home office then ever before. During this time I have successfully, though not necessarily easily, tried handing off more responsibilities to my 17 year old son and 12 year old daughter. I reorganized schedules, and found some additional assistance with house cleaning, home cooking, and chauffering my daughter to gymnastics practice four days a week. During all this time, I thought I had given up the idea of being SUPER MOM, going food shopping, doing the family laundry, cooking terrific meals for dinner, exercising, writing newletters and columns for Patch ALL IN ONE DAY! When I literally collapsed with fatigue at the end of March, I realized that I apparently was 'not getting' that I could not 'do' it all.
When faced with the problem of 'Healer having Health Issues', I quickly let go of the fraudulent feelings of 'how can this happen to me?' Once recognizing that I had to release the self-blame, self-judgement and self-doubt because of my role as a 'health professional', I was able to recognize the 'health crisis' as a 'blessing in disguise'.
After this acceptance, I knew that the next step was to examine my 'choices' and what my role was in the creation of the chronic fatigue that I was experiencing from morning till night!
Energetically I knew that something was up with my adrenals, as I started experiencing feelings of STRESS, FEAR, and PANIC ATTACKS (HINT-right before driving kids to school in AM and right before facing meal preparation/cooking for dinner!).
When health issues force us to take to our beds, slow down, and resign to what our bodies need to heal, it can be a very difficult path. But doing just that has its benefits! This I fully understood from working with women in my practice. I had also experienced it myself two years earlier, when I suffered from chronic headaches brought about due to the hormonal changes during peri-menopause (another story!) How easily things are forgotten once we reclaim our health!
As I write this I remember that time, and how brutal it was. However, I was not yet staking a professional claim and creating a company for my practice, so this recent health issue felt like a real upheaval and a true obstacle to my plans for my calling of healing! This felt very personal. My practice had grown considerably and all my interests and studies had come together with my Energy Healing, Health Coaching, and Life Counseling. I finally felt like I was doing my life's work. This sudden 'decline' in my health hit me like a ton of bricks.
But it was not only my work that was affected. My personal life, too was affected. It was very scary as the extreme weakness and fatigue that I felt seemed totally overwhelming. I did not have the energy to burn the midnight candle and stoke the creative fires for my ideas with my writing.
Even sadder, I did not have the energy to go out for a simple walk with my dog. Sadder still, my children would come home from school to still find me in bed and in my pajamas. When my daughter would ask me the reason, my response was, "I'm exhausted!" After her teary response that I was always tired these days, I decided to push myself to take her to the mall one day after school with a disasterous result...as I had to sit down on a bench after stopping at a couple of stores! When she saw this, she took charge and said to me, "Mom, we must get you home!" However, it was I who had to take deep breaths, steady myself, do my energy routine in the parking lot, so that I had the energy to drive us safely right home, where I promptly got back into bed and cried myself to sleep.
That evening, I thought long and hard and realized that all my dreams and plans were at stake, not just for my career, but for my family. An article I once wrote, entitled, "Health is Freedom", became so profound as I integrated the TRUTH that one's happiness and life was totally dependent upon one's health!
A few days later, I learned from my doctor that my DHEA level and Vitamin B12 level were very low. He suggested that I take both supplements at the minimum dosage and see how I feel. As it turned out, the supplements were exactly what I needed, and I started to regain my normal energy within a couple of days.
I knew that I could just go on my merry way and begin my roller coaster business again, as I was 'fixed'. I was very much aware of this mentality, since many people, some of which were my patients when I was a nurse...just wanted to take a magic pill for whatever ailed them. Whether the pill was for anxiety, or depression, or diabetes, or hypertension, many of us would rather take the 'medicine' and go on our merry way! It is rarer for people, especially when their health seems to have returned to normal to give consideration and time to discern how they got to the low level or developed the illness in the first place.
Having been trained in both the conventional western medical model and also trained as a homeopath, energy medicine practitioner, and most recenty in Yoga Nidre, a form of meditation, I knew that I needed to do more than just take the 'pills'. As a holistic healing facilitator, I have learned that processing and having an understanding is very important to truly heal, as changing 'false' beliefs and behavior patterns is the surest way to create health and wellness for a lifetime!
The questions that I asked my clients to consider were ones that I now had to ponder. They were: Who am I? What am I capable of? What is important to me? What are my priorities? What are my expectations of myself?
Stay Tuned for my next blog on the Birthing of Super Woman!