Even the lowliest of creatures who possess virtually no insight or intelligence, like the long-tailed weasel or Willard Scott, know this is an election year.

It's because politicians are promising to do stuff for us. Usually, this means a vow to clean up Hollywood and stop 'bad' movies from being made, when everyone knows the problem would be solved if we'd just take out those Wayans brothers.

This time, however, our elected officials are onto something. Westchester County officials are looking to actually abolish the Transit And Mobility Tax, which the MTA has been levying on county residents who are self-employed, own their own businesses, or, I think, simply mobile, meaning everyone from soapbox derby contestants to break-dancers. Other forms of movement are also being considered for taxation. Everything from pratfalls to Parkinson's disease.

This tax, apparently, was created to remedy the MTA's supposed budget deficit, which despite New York City's fare increase (now up to $47 a ride), didn't fix the alleged $800 million dollar shortfall. Then, word leaked out that the Transit Authority had enough dough to pay out over $30 million in unquestioned  overtime, which included legitimate time off and those two days it took to watch "The Expendables" then forgiving yourself for doing it in the first place.

Unless, there's some obscure concept I missed while studying Boolean Algebra, something's not adding up here.

This whole increase meant that Weschester and Rockland County residents were going to be working overtime to pay for MTA employees' overtime, which follows no logic but does remind me of the chorus to BTO's "Taking Care Of Business."

Well, enough is enough. Westchester County Legislator, John Testa (of Peekskill), recently introduced legislation that, if passed, will allow Westchester to file a lawsuit against the MTA. The suit will claim the tax is "unconstitutional" and demonstrates "taxation without representation." Plus, there's a by-law which says, "not one red cent until we get all the saxophonists out of the subway cars."

Especially at rush hour.

Testa maintained, too, that the MTA doesn't even provide service to Putnam County, but taxes them, as well. Plus, Putnam residents are always asked to bring "extra ice" to the MTA's Christmas party. And sometimes the MTA guys rub their fists when they say it.

Testa estimated that with the amount of taxes the whole county is paying, it averages out to about $109 a person. And don't even try to figure out if you can declare this amount on your income tax form. Not even Immanuel Kant could help you you with that moral imperative.

As most of you know, Westchester is the most highly-taxed county in the entire U.S. There are those property taxes and school taxes and now we hear that Rye is talking about a Bass Weejuns tariff. It seems the height of folly to ask people to help prop up the MTA, when so many people have, say, lost their homes. I mean, permanently. I thought I'd  lost my home the other night. But I was drunk and had accidentally parked in front of an empty field. So that doesn't count.

With the potential Westchester suit, the Rockland suit and now the Putnam suit being added to the Nassau and Orange County suits, the MTA is probably going to be too busy hiring battalions of lawyers to worry about enforcing this transportation tax. 

But, just in case they press on, there may be a solution here. For Westchester, anyway. If we  just think creatively.

If the Transit Authority wants to provide housing for some of our displaced residents in exchange for those taxes, that might be one way to fix things. What sort of housing? How about a spanking new subway car?

It could work. As long as these Westchester folks don't mind a house that continually moves or having to deal with waves of obnoxious guests arriving at all hours. Hey, doesn't that sound like the holidays? All these folks have to do is string some lights up in the car, learn some carols, keep egg nog on hand at all times. Then, even if they're living in a sort of urban mobile home, everything will be okay. It will seem just like Christmas to them. Each and every day of the year.

 

Peter Gerstenzang writes several humor columns for Rye Patch, including Happy Mondays, Wry Observations and Cracking the Code.