Top 10 Fun and Frustrating Parts of Getting a Mani-Pedi

I was watching a recent episode of HBO's "Entourage" (there's a column coming on that show). Jeff Garlin (who is also Larry David's agent on "Curb") was playing a sitcom writer. As he rose from a stalled meeting, he hit the table with both hands and issued a super-cool exit line: "Until then, I've got a mani-pedi to roll to. Ciao, Lloyd."

That reminds me. I need to head over to the nail salon myself. Because in summer, if your pedicure isn't up to speed, can you be taken seriously?

Manicures and pedicures are a staple of life, even for male agents in LA, it seems. It's about grooming.

For women, bare toenails are a bigger no-no than bare fingernails; they're just not appealing, and make you wonder what else the person forgot to do. (Do you sneak looks at people's feet in yoga class? I do.)

With toes and fingernails on 24-7 display in warm weather, nail salon visits are more frequent.

Here are 10 great and not-so great aspects about a mani-pedi.

Five things to love

1. The manicurist tells you the first thing to do is pick a color. That's the second thing. First is to load up on guilty-pleasure. Make a pile of every fashion, beauty and gossip magazine. It's like confection.

2. Pick a color. Is there a holdup? Yes, there is. You can't remember the name of the color you used last time--and it wasn't easy then, either! EVERY TIME IS LIKE THE FIRST TIME YOU'RE TAKING THE TEST UNPREPARED!

The fallback is Sugar Daddy or Limo-Scene for a clean, light pink that won't show chips. Not on the shelf? Ask and they materialize like cosseted VIPs from inside a table. The fresh, sophisticated color makes you smile: You forgot your hands could look so pretty.

3. Watching other people get crazy color. I admire the mom getting her fingernails painted green, an "it" color. I'll pass, since it seems like it needs a candy necklace to go with it.

4. Having someone cater just to you, and not feeling guilty about not catering to them in return, because your payment takes care of that. You don't have to do more than luxuriate in a haze of relaxation.

5. What saint decided everyone gets a neck and shoulder massage for five-minutes at the drying station? Though just when you're ready to nod off, time's up. Maybe you'll spring for the extra $10 to get 10 more minutes. After all, you're not going anywhere while your hands and feet are wedged between the drying shelves.

Five things not to love

1. You get the mean pedicurist. Your friend's pedicurist asks if the water feels alright; has a feathery touch; gives each toe and calf a leisurely, focused massage. Your pedicurist digs the scissors into your skin and when you cringe, stops to demand, "Do you want a good job or not?" Your pedicurist slaps your calves with her palms and shouts, "Done!" while your friend's mani-pedi is just getting started.

2. About the pedicure chair. The automatic massage setting sounds great. But it's less like a massage than like pool-table balls being ground into your back. Your back is shoved to arch so far forward that your breasts lunge toward the opposite wall. Until you get the thing turned off, your body is going through the undulating motions of a sea creature on a swim.

3. Forgot to wear open-toe shoes? Who needs them when you can go out in the paper shoes, with paper-towel ropes around your toes? You know what happens: on the sidewalk, the front half of the paper flips under, and if you don't trip, half your foot is walking on cement.

4. Of course you can read while your nails are drying! Just ask your manicurist to open People magazine to page 35 and set it in on your lap. Uh-oh, time to turn the page. Be careful, be careful..oh….there goes the polish on three fingers.

5. Didn't you put the keys in a place where you could easily get them when you're ready to go? How'd they wind up back in your pocket, or still deep inside your bag? Gingerly fish for them and…oh… See number 4.

Once home, admire all twenty digits. They look neat, sophisticated—and now you know where the term "polished" comes from. If you see a chip, that's OK. 

Because almost no one can get home without a big toe or index finger smudge. That's part of the mani-pedi experience everyone is having all summer.