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Supermodel's Breastfeeding Law a Big Bust

Gisele Bundchen should stick to posing in front of the cameras instead of dispensing motherhood advice, our columnist says.

Rest easy mothers of the world.

Supermodel Gisele Bundchen has backed down from her demand that there be an international law requiring moms to breastfeed their tots for the first six months.

Last week, the oft-photographed lingerie model was quoted in the British edition of Harper's Bazaar saying, "I think there should be, in my opinion, a worldwide law that mothers should breastfeed their babies for six months."

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Public reaction to the statement was swift. Ordinary run-of-the-mill mothers not married to famous football players questioned a supermodel beginning any announcement with the words, "I think."

Supermodel Gisele Bundchen quickly clarified on her Web site: "I am not here to judge," she blogged.

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The explanation of the mandatory nursing law stemmed from Supermodel Gisele Bundchen's perception that women here in the States don't believe they have to breastfeed. Her reaction: "Are you going to give chemical food to your child when they are so little?"

Well, yeah. Some of us sometimes. Some of us, all the time. I was colicky as a newborn and could only drink soy formula. What do you say to that, Supermodel Gisele Bundchen? What are you saying about my mother?

But she's not here to judge.

Supermodel Gisele Bundchen was also quoted in a Vogue interview reflecting on her weight gain and birth experience, "I think a lot of people get pregnant and decide they can turn into garbage disposals."

Hey, as someone who raised the stock of Ben & Jerry, gaining 185 pounds over four pregnancies, I resent that remark. Ice cream is not garbage.

If she's not here to judge, I would hate to be around when Supermodel Gisele Bundchen is in a judgmental mood.

But, seriously, what do I have to worry about? Supermodel Gisele Bundchen and I clearly do not have a lot in common.

Supermodel Gisele Bundchen practiced kung fu while pregnant.

I ordered mu shoo pork while pregnant.

Supermodel Gisele Bundchen meditated intensely while giving birth.

I medicated heavily while giving birth.

Supermodel Gisele Bundchen weighs nine stone (or 126 pounds).

I weighed that once -- in ninth grade.

Supermodel Gisele Bundchen said in an interview, "I wasn't expecting someone else to get the baby out of me."

I not only expected someone else to get all my babies out of me, I was counting on it. My first birth was an emergency c-section followed by three scheduled procedures. Each time I yelled, "Get it out! Get it out!" I would have let Supermodel Gisele Bundchen get it out.

According to Supermodel Gisele Bundchen, her eight hours of labor "didn't hurt in the slightest."

My fourteen hours of labor hurt a lot, followed by surgery which hurt a lot, segueing into recovery which also hurt a lot.

It's not that supermodels don't have a lot to offer.

I would take skin advice from Cindy Crawford.

I'd listen to yoga tips from Christy Turlington.

I would let Christie Brinkley recommend a good divorce lawyer.

Breastfeeding though, if one is lucky enough to live in the developed world where nutrition and maternal healthcare is plentiful, is an intensely personal choice.

When I had my first baby, I breastfed my 10-pound infant daughter for two months. It was a beautiful and unique experience. Sometimes I cried because it wasn't always easy.

When her brother was born weighing at twelve pounds one ounce, I declined the breastfeeding option as I was terrified and wanted as many people as possible to be able to help me nourish the bruiser.

If one can believe online sources, Supermodel Gisele Bundchen breastfed her baby for somewhere between 3 and 7 weeks. Wow, I was actually closer to her mandate than she was.

But I'm not here to judge.

Susan Konig is a Westchester resident and the author of Why Animals Sleep So Close to the Road (and other lies I tell my children) and I Wear the Maternity Pants in This Family (St. Martin's Press). Visit susankonig.com.

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