Glance too fast and you'll miss the symbolic graffiti; similarly, are we not seeing the plight of some residents.
Heather Borden Herve
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I’m more than a number, my family is greater than a statistic. We are the face of unemployment.
I first wrote about our experience shortly after my husband was laid off. That was 14 months ago. Unfortunately, we’re still in the same boat.
Both of my Patch columns, “From the Driver’s Seat” and “Patch In,” are written from a very personal perspective. In writing about the layoff, I tried to give a glimpse of what it felt like and what we were going through. I couldn’t claim to be opining from my perspective each week if I didn’t really give readers an honest account and the true context of my life.
It also helped to share our story, both from a cathartic, therapeutic standpoint, and also from the belief that others in the same situation would feel some sort of comfort to know they weren’t alone.
This is only my story—I don’t presume to speak for anyone else, as if to say it’s the same for them, or even universal. But it’s a window, perhaps, onto something that often, in communities like ours, is faceless, anonymous and hidden.
I also know our experience is uniquely ours—it’s neither better nor worse than someone else’s misfortune, it just is what it is. It helps to write about it, and it helps for people to hear about it; perhaps it takes away some stigma from what unemployment has been thought of in the past, in what’s true when you shine a light on something historically shameful and concealed.
But in recent weeks, I’ve had more friends and acquaintances suddenly join me in what I call the “Hidden Wives Club.” Finding their families now part of the great unemployed, it’s all the more raw and real once again.
So I wanted to revisit the topic—sort of as a “check-in” on how we’re doing one-plus year later. But perhaps more importantly, I also wanted the column to stand as a prism through which you might think when you hear about “those unemployed people” in a debate, or “how we lost 8 million jobs” in the President’s State of the Union address.
Admittedly, I write mostly about my feelings, not my husband’s. To protect his privacy and his right to control what’s ‘out there’ about him, I only write this from my POV. He’s given me the okay to write this column but I try hard to maintain his boundaries, and I don’t presume to speak for him.
It takes so much energy to get through each day. Unemployment stress definitely takes a mental toll, and it’s easy to fall into a funk. I have to summon a strength to put on a positive face for the world—not to pretend or mask it, but because it’s ongoing for us, and I can’t be depressed every day.
I also have to dig deep to write my columns. I know I need to be entertaining and clear, and vary my subjects. I find sometimes that I’ve written three or four pieces in a row that are philosophically dreary or too introspective. I’m not surprised it shows in my writing, but I have to make a concerted effort to find the joy in the everyday too.
Somehow, even with the worries, and the various disappointments, I find some strength to put one foot in front of the other. It takes all my energy to get the kids to school and to their activities, pour out my feelings for a column and manage the household. Some days are better than others, and some are not so good. Some days are still stay-in-pajama-days, and some days I can conquer the world at meetings and school obligations and volunteering.
We are not needy, yet. We are fortunate to have the emotional and sometimes financial support of family, and savings to fall back on (thankfully, we were prepared). We are also lucky to have supportive friends.
I recognize that sometimes my friends don’t always know what to do—extend an invite for the weekend away or hope I don’t find out that they’ve planned it without us, so as not to make us feel bad if we can’t afford to go. I also recognize my instinct to sometimes pull away from them and cocoon with my sadness, and I don’t reach out as often as I should.
We try to handle it with grace and strength. We appreciate the support we’ve gotten from our synagogue community, and we look forward to the certainty that we will pay it forward when we can. We try to do that still, in ways that are manageable even with the stresses of ‘our situation.’
I often wonder how we’re thought of and what kind of reaction people have internally when they find out. “What does your husband do?” is always a tricky one to navigate. I wonder how my answer impacts whether they’ll be eager to set up play dates between my children and theirs, or if I’m ever a topic of conversation over someone else’s lunchtime chatter.
It’s been quite an experience for our kids too, of course, and one I wish they’d never had. At first we tried to shield them from it as much as possible, especially from the fear of the constant unknown that we now live with. But as weeks turned into months, it was harder and harder to hide it. For each child we’ve handled it differently depending on their age. My 9-year-old understands so much more than his 5 year old sister; of course, it carries a bigger burden for him.
Quite often, facing the strife of any life test like unemployment can take its toll on a marriage. I’ve seen friends in similar situations not be able to withstand the stress, and their marriages haven’t survived. In some ways I think our relationship has strengthened. I see the kind of pressures my husband has withstood in the last year. I see how hard he’s working to find work. I see how punishing it can be to come close (several times!) to a new position, only to be disappointed—but then he picks himself up again and faces the day anew.
I love him more now for his resilience and perseverance.
Resilience is what this is all about, after all. When I read headlines like this recent one, “Bernanke To The Unemployed: Don’t Get Your Hopes Up,” it’s tough to picture we might be in the same place this time next year. But we are withstanding it, so far, and getting by.
I’ll be sure to let you know how it goes.
Michael Weitzman
1:37 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Michael Weitzman says please call me cell 914-523-5766 I understand everything you had to say and really touched my heart as well!
Michael Weitzman
1:42 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Heather,
Please contact me. I really want to talk with you!
Michael Weitzman
Cell 914-523-5766
Victoria Nickolova
3:25 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
it is easy to see why there is so much unemployment. The jobs czar for Pres. Obama is Jeffery Immelt. He is also the CEO of General Electric. This Jobs Czar Jeff Immelt, just closed the MRI and CATscan machine factory in Wisconsin and sent the jobs to China. This president, Obama, Vetoed the XL pipeline from Canada to Texas, that would have created at first 20,000 new private sector jobs at no cost to taxpayers. The whole thing was approved in an environmental impact study and has been pending for three years. By now, we would have had $1.50 a gallon gas and been rid of the Middle East. Obama has had three years and wanted to give his decision after the election. Republicans put it in a Bill, to make up his mide already. They gave him two months. He said NO PIPELINE. Three years wasn't enough time to make up his mind. He said Republicans didn't give him enough time. Never mind that it has been approved by all the expert studies. He hasn't looked at it in three years. So now America doesn't get the jobs, CHINA DOES. The oil will be shipped there to be refined and shipped back at double the cost. Obama also put in place a Regulatory Czar, Cass Sunstein, Who has placed more regulations on business and start up businesses and the private sector, than all the presidents, from George Washington to GW Bush. That is why we have so much unemployment.
William D'Avanzo
9:27 am on Monday, January 30, 2012
You have no idea what will happen with the pipeline. But any jobs created will be temporary.
What is your technique for projecting the impact on gas prices?
Right now we don't import a lot from the mid-east and the major countries are Saudi Arabia, Iraq,and Kuwait with Saudi Arabia dominating.
http://www.eia.gov/dnav/pet/pet_move_impcus_a2_nus_ep00_im0_mbbl_m.htm
There is no particular reason this needs to change. The amount imported from the mid-east is relatively small and could be reduced if there were a reason to do so.
US regulations may not have much to do with unemployment since many other countries are experiencing the same thing.
Uptown and Downtown
3:47 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Obama wants it that way so that we little people depend on the anointed one for food, clothing, etc. And then he gets insulted when he is called The Food Stamp President.
Jenga
4:39 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
It's all part of the plan- once the majority ( we're almost there ) of people depend on the government for handouts, the country as we know it will cease to exist. Then it will have become the socialist panacea that the liberals dream of- high unemployment, low productivity, high interest rates and gov't control.
William D'Avanzo
9:49 am on Monday, January 30, 2012
I don't think that is true. I thought I was a liberal, but I don't dream of any of those things. So maybe I'm not. But why would anyone want those things? I think rich people might like higher interest rates to get better return on investments. But I don't see how anyone would really benefit from low productivity. Please clarify.
Jenga
4:41 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
I feel for the writer- I work in the service industry and talk to people in her shoes everyday- this president in his 3 years has done NOTHING to help the jobs situation in this country except vilify the very people who have the capital to provide them!
Fudd
4:45 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
We're already there Glue.
http://oathkeepers.org/oath/about/
Michael N. Hull
5:01 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
The Times describes how when Apple redesigned the iPhone’s screen, forcing an assembly line overhaul, new screens began arriving at a Chinese plant near midnight.
"A foreman roused 8,000 workers inside dormitories. Each employee was given a biscuit and tea and started a 12-hour shift fitting screens into frames. Within 96 hours, the plant was producing over 10,000 iPhones a day. The employees, working six days a week, spend 12 hours a day at the plant. Workers earn less than $17 a day."
Apple's profit of $400K per employee invites comparison with those of European Capitalists in the era of the Atlantic slave trade. The vast majority of slaves were bought by Europeans who transported them to North and South America. There the slaves were forced to labor on plantations, etc.
This trade resulted from the desire of Europeans to exploit the New World for profits. Exporting from the New World to Europe proved to be more profitable than producing in Europe. As a result the return in France in the 18th century for investors in U.S. plantations was a 20% profit advantage.
Europe profited from its trade but its decline was inevitable as the US, the source of its wealth, grew & prospered.
Today the US is not paying attention to history and its decline is as inevitable as China, the source of its profits, prospers.
Politicians end speeches with “God bless the United States of America!” Perhaps now they should be praying: “God help the United States of America”
Bob Zahm
9:39 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
The Times article was very interesting. I was surprised to see omitted from the article any sort of comparison to the industrial revolution in the US which is the equivalent of what China is experiencing now, but at a much faster rate than hit the US or England, etc.
During the US industrial revolution, there was as much (if not more) labor abuse, but also labor flexibility as there is in China today. Yes, I'd like to see the Apple created jobs in the US, but I think we all need to be aware that the Chinese are coming from a position of extreme poverty and so have immediate needs driving them much harder than US workers. Say what you want about the quality of the US security net, it and other help programs have removed the dire consequences of poverty / unemployment as a motivator for many. Again, I'm not saying this to make a value judgment but purely to observe that the Chinese “need” is so great relative to US need that it is driving economic development.
Bard of Bardonia
11:02 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
I'm not an economist but it seems to be there is a very simple way to get people back to work.
Instead of paying unemployment benefits why don't we use the tax code to make companies hire! Lets say the unemployment rate is 8% and we need to get it to 4% (which is the percent considered as approximately 'full employment'). The government could simply say to every employer in the U.S. employing more than 500 people that it must report the number of US employees on its books as of December 31, 2011 and by December 31, 2012 that number must be increased by 4%.
The government can calculate the average cost per employee with salary and benefits and place a tax on the company of twice that amount for each employee not hired. There would be no loss in competitiveness since all employers would be under the same ground rules and small businesses having less than 500 employees would not be affected.
The government could also give a tax break for each employee hired since that money will be returned to the government in the personal income taxes which the newly employed will be paying.
Crazy idea?
Michael Weitzman
5:01 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
My name is Michael Weitzman and I ran into Patch today and never knew about it except from one of my favorite movies called Patch Adams which is about doing everything you can to help others and give all people struggling a better QUALITY of LIFE! That is what I'm about. As a very caring and passionate motivational/inspirational speaker on the side it gives me the Up most pleasure to help people who are struggling in their lives from Depression,Unemployed,Major Illness,Physical problems,Relationships,and so much more! Because I don't have a Job now and do battle from Depression from time to time and I sure do know what it's like to have things going good and then BAM! Was in the Mtg industry and we all know what happen there and it has been a struggle getting a good job for the past 5 years ever since I left the Corupt world of Mtg's. But I'm such an amazing and passionate and gifted and Honest educating sales rep! Why should it be so hard to find that Great Honest Job? Yes there are many reasons but I refuse to dwell into the negative or the past mind you and do everything I can by reinventing my self and going outside the box in order to show all people and employers that I totally worth hiring because NO ONE can take away my Pride and Passion to find that good job!
Michael Weitzman
Cell 914-523-5766
Mweitzman3@gmail.com
Motivational,Inspirational,& Humorous speaker working on
Touching & Helping All people Change their lives for the
BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mike46
5:56 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Michael, no need to spam the thread.
Good luck with your situation Heather...I know many in the same boat
Maureen
6:07 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
Mike46
I agree. Weitzman and others should not advertise their wares in the comments! I'm not sure Heather needs any motivation or inspiration. She is an inspiration to all of us.
Jenga
6:48 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
This guy is a jackwagon and his comments should be deleted.
Anne
6:54 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
I hear an undertone of shame . . .to be out of work and holding your own in very hard times is nothing to be ashamed of. I rememebr my grandparents talking about the Great Depression, they cooked eggs hard, so as not to lose the yolk; they walked; they shared housing; shared income; shared meals together, no take-out then; they shared; And when they has extra they shared with the people around them who were in need. Sharing seemed to work. Understanding the actual and emotional hardships helped. No one from their generation sat inside and hid and watched TV and felt ashamed. We, Americans all, are pretty much in the same boat, and it doesn't help to start laying blame on anyone--Obama, Bush, Clinton, Bush-- we're here now. We need to come up with innovative ideas that my, your, grandparents did.The more time we waste blaming the powers that be, the more time we lose in repairing our families and our lives. What can you Share?
Elliott
11:49 pm on Sunday, January 29, 2012
A statistic I never see is what the recession has done to sole proprietors and freelancers whose work has dried up. These citizens cannot collect unemployment benefits or severance pay. Closing their businesses to look for jobs holds little promise. What is the answer for contract workers, freelancers and the self-employed?
Anonymous and worried
C. Anderson
1:01 pm on Monday, January 30, 2012
crime!
William D'Avanzo
2:24 am on Tuesday, January 31, 2012
The answer is you don't get any $s from the govt. unless you get to the point of going on welfare and I don't know the rules for that. You might get some help in looking for a job.
waa waa waa
6:13 am on Monday, January 30, 2012
What does wallowing in your misfortune in this manner accomplish? As the many qualifications contained in your writing makes clear, you are uncertain as to the point of all of this, and for good reason. If your "hidden" stop hiding. Instead of sitting there wasting time sitting in the problem, get out of the house and find a solution.
"Why does the indian rain dance always work?" Answer: "Because they don't stop dancing till it rains."
Chris Clement
6:45 am on Monday, January 30, 2012
I give a lot of credit to Heather for sharing her opinion/thoughts about being unemployed. Sharing her problem could maybe be helpful to others in the same situation. Have always believed that writing about your problems, even if not to share with others, is emotionally helpful. Good luck to you and your family, Heather, while confronting your problems. "This, too, shall pass."
As for Michael Weitzman posting the same thing 3 or 4 times, don't feel he did this on purpose. He mentioned he's new to this site so he's learning. Give him a break. At least Patch people had the sense to remove the dupes.
HenHud Supporter
8:16 am on Monday, January 30, 2012
For us, the downturn started in 2001: increasingly squeezed on compensation until a decision to relocate for a better job, only to have that job evaporate, then starting a business, only to see it fail, consulting...until all work dried up in 2007, and finally, in 2010, a good job (after 6 months of negotiations and 2 yr of "trial" as a consultant) an hour and a half - two trains and two subway lines - away from home. It isn't our parents' economy anymore. Good luck Heather and family!
Jenga
8:34 am on Monday, January 30, 2012
It's sad- this generation will end up not seeing the prosperity of our parents. I attribute it to many things- but notably the crushing of the middle class, especially blue collar union jobs. This once large group enjoyed good wages, good benefits and job security- a very powerful force behind the economy-now it's a hodge podge of people who are unemployed, looking for work and moving from crap job to crap job.It's all because of corporations convincing people that we have to bring American wages DOWN to meet the third world- pathetic
William D'Avanzo
2:41 am on Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Elmer: That's close to true except American wages are not dropping they are rising, in real (inflation adjusted) $s, very, very slowly. Productivity is increasing at a much faster rate and this should imply that corporations should be able to increase wages at a faster rate. Instead corporate profits are increasing at a faster rate. And it is true that some jobs can be moved out of the country if the corp. thinks the wages here are too high.
William D'Avanzo
9:44 am on Monday, January 30, 2012
If we use the tax code as suggested, our companies will be less competitive with foreign ones.
Scott Walters
10:03 am on Monday, January 30, 2012
This is my posting which I have on my FB Page called Walters' Wailings:
How the Teachers Union keeps me from getting a job
I have been a teacher for most of the past decade. Working in three different school districts in New Jersey, I have found great joy in doing what is not just a job, but is truly a calling. However, there is a part of this that irks me. It is the interference that the teachers union has made and put into place that keeps me from being currently employed. Let me explain.
There have been many job openings for music teachers over the period for which I have been unemployed (from June 30, 2010 due to ecomonic issues where I last worked). I have sent out résumé after résumé, offered my credentials to many prospective employers and have gone on some interviews (not as many as I would hope would be the case). I understand why this is, from my experiences where I have discussed the possibility of working.
With seven years of teaching experience under my belt, a school should really want to have that level of experience at hand when hiring. Often a new teacher fresh out of student teaching doesn’t have the ‘battle preparedness’ which a seasoned veteran like me offers. When I go on interviews, the issue of my experience does come up, and it is surprisingly NOT in a positive light.
Continued....
Scott Walters
10:04 am on Monday, January 30, 2012
from above...
I am often told that it is wonderful that I have the years of teaching behind me. It makes for a better transition and for a more seasoned and reasonable approach. Often, I am told that I would be an asset. Then the other shoe drops. It is the money shoe.
I am then told that due to my experience, I am unable to be hired as I would ‘cost’ the district in question too much money. My response to that is that I would be more than happy to waive my years of experience in order to obtain employment, as you have told me that I would be an asset and my experience is indeed favorable in your sight. Then the second other shoe drops. It is the union shoe.
Apparently, due to collective bargaining, the union has the right to make sure that if a new teacher comes in, they are paid based on their experience. Therefore, if a new hire has three years of experience, they would be placed at the same part of the salary guide as every other teacher who has three years experience. Therefore, the union would sue to have me be placed in the same spot as any other teacher with SEVEN years experience. I have NO RIGHT to challenge this, since it is defined as being okay in state law in both NY and NJ.
Scott Walters
10:05 am on Monday, January 30, 2012
finally...
Apparently, due to collective bargaining, the union has the right to make sure that if a new teacher comes in, they are paid based on their experience. Therefore, if a new hire has three years of experience, they would be placed at the same part of the salary guide as every other teacher who has three years experience. Therefore, the union would sue to have me be placed in the same spot as any other teacher with SEVEN years experience. I have NO RIGHT to challenge this, since it is defined as being okay in state law in both NY and NJ.
SO, even though I could have been teaching at least three times, I am still on the sidelines, thanks to a union who refuses to look at the individual, but, rather, to look at their own greed which makes them rightfully the villain.
Marie
10:11 am on Monday, January 30, 2012
Heather- thank you for sharing your experiences and insights. I, too, was in a similar situation. We lost some of our social life, discovered 'true friends' . My children were similarly affected. One took it very hard and was not able to go to their 'dream college', the other was understanding. I tried everything to find ANY kind of job. I had to accept a lower paying position, but, it IS an income and we now have health benefits. My husband still struggles and is now trying to 'create his own job/business.' Hang in there and go ahead and vent to us. I understand it is therapeutic and we hope to learn you journey to a better place.
Mischa
1:05 pm on Monday, January 30, 2012
Thank you for sharing your personal story--my family is facing unemployment challenges and it is difficult to not lose hope and give up on some of the dreams we have for our lives. With so many people struggling with unemployment--it is my hope that it sensitizes everyone to what it means not to have the resources for the necessities of life, facing days where you are trying to pay bills, and keep your home. Record numbers of Americans are losing their homes. I commend President Obama for his policies, including extending unemployment insurance and putting in place measures to help people remain in their homes. I hope that everyone pays close attention to what the candidates are proposing, pay close attention to their empathy for the dire situation that so many Americans are in. And for those of us who face the challenges that come with unemployment I hope that this situation turns around soon, and that we all can hold on to those most prized possessions, our families, friendships and the homes we live in.
William D'Avanzo
2:54 am on Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Mischa, thanks for you post. I think it helps people understand your situation a little better. If it is any consolation, the economic indicators are pointing toward growth, but slow growth, ahead. This could be derailed by a major financial problem in Europe or a financial stalemate in Congress. If you have any opportunity to improve your skill set, you should consider doing that.
John Anderson
8:40 am on Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Economic growth, are you kidding? Hate to rain on your parade, but until we start producing, there will be no "true" economic growth. I also don't trust any studies online that end with ".gov". The more .gov gets involved in our lives, the worse we will be.
See that story above about China, you won't see that in this country will you.... The average chinese factory worker makes $200 USD per month.
Lauren Strongin
12:39 pm on Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Heather - my family is in the same boat, with my husband being unemployed for 13 months and we have two small children. I know the struggles and challenges and it's not an easy road but one I hope we both can overcome soon! I try to stay optimistic and hope you can, too.
Walter Jones
2:59 pm on Thursday, February 2, 2012
Having been there, done that as far as being unemployed...... how about have the writer check out.....http://www.labor.ny.gov/jobs/regional.shtm. Currently lists around 40,000 jobs in NY. We often can't find the optimum job, but if one is "willing to work" to get back into the flow......there are jobs....