I have never been much of a fan of "superstores."

They're pricey, impersonal and they only seem to sell quantities appropriate for the general population of a state prison. Such large amounts even pertain to items like cheese and white rice. Which, then, requires you to purchase the antidote: 411 boxes of bran.

But there's good news. I recently went shopping at a dog-friendly superstore. Also known as Choice Pet Supply, in Hartsdale. I figured Happy could probably use 9 cases of Snausages. Despite my misgivings, I ended up having a good time there.

Now, even though I was shopping for my retriever, I didn't bring him with me to Pet Supply. Why? It has something to do with that unfortunate experience at Petsmart.

Like it was my idea to put the canary cage right next to the Dog Chow. Boy, were they unforgiving. Whose idea was it to even have such a thing as a lifetime ban? Regardless, I was greeted pleasantly in Hartsdale.

Now, Choice Pet Supply is a superstore. Still, it's not about selling you amounts more appropriate for the U.S. Marines. One of the more intriguing products I saw there was something called Bitter Yuck, a spray-on repellant. And strangely enough, my ex-girlfriend's nickname for me. I bought some for Happy, who, although he has perfect eyesight, still tests everything by his mouth. It's his form of quality control. Knowing that even a repellant might attract him, I also bought something called Bitter Apple, to spray on various inanimate objects. The last time I checked though, Happy was using it to make some kind of a makeshift martini.

Near the Yuck family, there was a display of the largest number of collars I've ever seen. Well, outside of The Naughty Boy Bondage Shop. But these collars were just for canines. I think. An exception being The Spiked Bulldog Collar. In case your dog wants to start a Judas Priest tribute band. I asked to see one. A salesman just pointed at it and walked away, whistling nervously.

While walking, Happy has a tendency to suck up everything in his path. I toyed with the idea of getting him The Gentle Leader, which despite its euphemistic name, is really just a muzzle. And not, as I imagined, named after Mahatma Ghandi. I can never bring myself to buy one for my dog. Even if it would stop Happy from treating the outdoors as a dog version of Sizzler. I finally decided on the adjustable nylon collar. With matching leash, cape and pleated pants.

Don't think I've abandoned the smaller pet supply store. In the name of comparison shopping, I next drove to The Pet Pantry Warehouse in Rye. I've spent so much time there, I've come to think of its employees  as family. And, accordingly, at tax time, as dependents. This store may lack the large number of collars that seem to come from the Village People Collection. However, they make up for it in subtle ways.

Glad to be in the Pantry's cosy environs, I bought Happy a few treats you can get nowhere else. I'm talking Wellness Bars, frosted cookies made by Wagatha's and a little number called The Silly Squeaker. This is a replica of a beer bottle. It is so convincing that after Hap plays with it, he staggers around and starts humming old college fight songs until I take it away. It's okay with me. I pay a fortune each month for all this crazy dog paraphernalia. So, as far as my dog is concerned, I say, he's entitled to a beer buzz. And hey, even a fake one is better than no buzz at all.

Peter Gerstenzang is a freelance videographer and entertainment and humor writer based in Rye. His column, Happy Mondays, is about life with his golden retriever. It will appear on Mondays on both Rye Patch and Scarsdale Patch.