An Invisible Community in Plain Sight

John Victor Self and Christopher Fraley are just like any other American couple who have sought the quiet refuge of the suburbs after spending years in New York City.

The couple moved from Brooklyn Heights to Rye because they wanted to start a family and move closer to Fraley's work in White Plains. They settled into their home in Rye and have experienced little, if any, reaction to their life as a gay couple.

"Being gay doesn't seem to be an issue here. Being gay has not reared its head at all," Self said. "The fact that we are a biracial couple seems to be more of an issue for people than anything else."

The couple's new suburban life is filled with regularities such as eating at Anna Maria's on Larchmont's Chatsworth Avenue, a restaurant they both love, and John teaching classes at Equinox gyms in Westchester. The transition to the suburbs has gone "surprisingly well," Self said. Five months ago, the couple welcomed an adorable addition to their family with the arrival of Coco, their daughter.

Fraley and Self are just one of thousands of gay couples in the greater New York area. Just last month, a crowd estimated at tens of thousands of people gathered in New York City for the 41st annual Gay Pride parade. Last year, the Westchester Pride Coalition hosted the county's first Gay Pride Event at Rye Playland, and the event will take place again this year at Playland on Sept. 11.

As the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) community slowly makes headway in its quest for equal rights many gay individuals in the lower Hudson Valley have been living traditional suburban lives, raising children, shopping at box stores, working, and looking for love just like their straight counterparts.

Students with same sex parents can be found in many schools, and gay straight alliances (GSAs) have formed in several schools, including Rye High School.  A GSA is generally a high school-based, student-run club that provides a safe place for students to meet, support each other and talk about issues related to sexual orientation and gender identity.

Other organizations in the Lower Hudson Valley lend support and services to the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered Community (LGBT).

Center Lane is a resource for the young lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) community in Westchester. Under the auspices of Westchester Jewish Community Services, this program provides emotional, social and other support services for youth ages 13-21 and their straight allies.

The program has counseled many students from the Sound Shore area. Director James Stewart sees a positive future ahead for the LGBTQ community, and he sees the youth he serves as being the catalyst for change.

"Studies have shown that youth, especially those in middle to upper class families, don't see what the issue is all about in [the] marriage equality [debate]. Parents don't seem bowled over when they learn that their child is gay," he said.

According to Stewart, parents call him to seek advice about counseling should their child feel he or she needs it, identify a haven where their children can feel safe and happy, and to see if their kids can meet others undergoing the same experience. The center is headquartered in White Plains with a satellite office in Yonkers and seems to have answered a call. Center Lane has seen such success that it will be expanding the Yonkers site to accommodate the number of adolescents who have been seeking its services.

Another resource in the Lower Hudson Valley is  The Loft, a not-for-profit, community-based organization serving the LGBT community. The organization was formed in 1983 when individuals from the Gay Men's Alliance of the Hudson Valley and the Lesbian Task Force joined forces to create one organization. The organization offers an eclectic selection of programs and services, including a lending library, a cyber center, and advocacy and support services. Under Executive Director David Juhren's leadership, The Loft has serviced more than 14,000 individuals through its various outreach programs.

 "The LGBT community is an invisible minority," Juhren said. "We are everywhere without people knowing who we are. We are your doctors, lawyers, teachers and bankers."

Although some see that as a good sign, with people more concerned with substance than sexual orientation, Juhren thinks that LGBT professionals should make themselves more known in the community.

"People in the general community may not know we are around, but we are all over," he said. "People should know whom they come in contact with on a daily basis. People should know that we are everywhere."